Last week my 9-year-old son surprised us.
Every Friday at school is “Icy Pole Friday.” Kids bring a dollar. Simple joy. Sticky fingers. Shared laughter.
This week he told his mum:
“I don’t need a dollar. I know you don’t have a job mummy and I don’t want to spend money when we are struggling.”
Part of us melted with pride.
Part of us paused.
Was this maturity?
Or was this a child suppressing his wants?
Because we also know what it feels like to be the only kid not holding an icy pole while everyone else is.
Growing up I’ve felt this many a times - and I don’t want my kid to miss out on simple happiness.
So we suggested: “Take the dollar. If you still don’t feel like buying one, that’s okay.”
He said, “Cool.”
That evening I asked, “Did you end up having an icy pole?”
He said with a big proud smile “Yesss.”
And instantly, my adult brain jumped in:
See? Thoughts, words, actions - not aligned.
Before I could turn it into a lecture on integrity, he continued:
“I was so lucky. One kid helped buy me one so I didn’t have to spend money.”
Now I was really conflicted.
Should I feel proud?
Should we return the dollar?
Am I raising a child who depends on others to pay for him?
Or am I raising a child who experiences generosity?
It was one of those subtle parenting crossroads.
The real lesson wasn’t about the dollar
At first glance, it looked like misalignment:
Words: “I don’t need it.”
Action: Ate it.
Result: Someone else paid.
But when I slowed down, I realised something deeper.
His initial intention wasn’t manipulation. It was consideration.
He was trying to reduce pressure at home. That’s a big emotional load for a 9-year-old.
Then school happened. Social belonging happened. Joy happened. A friend offered generosity.
Life happened.
Alignment isn’t rigidity.
Alignment is awareness.
Adults do this all the time
We just dress it up better.
“I’m saving money.” → Uber Eats
I see a tired childcare educator when I pick up my son. I imagine her getting home drained. Cooking feels impossible. Uber Eats feels “deserved.”
I’ve been there too.
We say:
“We’re cutting expenses.”
But after a long week:
“We deserve this.”
Words and actions drift apart - justified by emotion.
“I’m investing for the long term.” → Panic during a market dip
We have seen this pattern countless times.
In theory:
“I’m a long-term investor.”
In practice:
Markets drop 15% and suddenly:
“Should we move to cash?”
Thoughts (I believe in long term growth).
Words (I’m disciplined).
Actions (Sell when scared).
Misalignment doesn’t mean we’re bad people. It means our emotions are stronger than our systems.
“I don’t care what people think.” → Still seeking approval
We say we don’t care.
But we check:
How many likes?
What did they say?
Did they respond?
We crave belonging - just like a 9-year-old with an icy pole.
Integrity isn’t perfection
The more our thoughts, words and actions align, the closer we move toward integrity.
Integrity isn’t about never slipping.
It’s about noticing the slip.
If my son had said:
“Actually Dad, I wanted one but I didn’t want to spend the dollar.”
That would be alignment.
If I say:
“I value long-term investing” and continue investing during downturns,
That is alignment.
If I say:
“Family is my priority” and I close the laptop at 5:30pm.
That is alignment.
Alignment feels light internally.
Misalignment feels heavy.
The money layer
There’s also something important here about money.
When someone pays for us:
Are we becoming entitled?
Or are we experiencing generosity?
Do we reciprocate?
Do we feel grateful?
Maybe the real parenting moment isn’t: “Don’t let others pay for you.”
Maybe it’s: “When someone gives to you, receive it with gratitude - and look for a chance to give back.”
That’s not dependency.
That’s community.
The adult version of the icy pole
How many times have we:
Accepted a discount we didn’t qualify for?
Used a “free trial” knowing we’ll cancel last minute?
Let a friend cover dinner and quietly hoped they forget to settle up?
It’s subtle.
But alignment builds self-respect.
And self-respect compounds over time - just like money.
Discipline. Consistency. Longevity.
In money.
In parenting.
In health.
In character.
Quick wins are easy.
But better results come from:
Discipline. Consistency. Longevity.
Discipline to act in line with what we say matters.
Consistency to repeat aligned behaviour.
Longevity to let small aligned actions compound.
That’s true for investing.
That’s true for fitness.
That’s true for raising boys.
That’s true for building integrity.
That moment with the icy pole wasn’t about a dollar.
It was about:
Teaching generosity without entitlement.
Teaching ownership without shame.
Teaching integrity without rigidity.
And maybe the bigger lesson was for me.
Before I judge misalignment in my child…
… I need to examine my own.
Because integrity isn’t taught through lectures.
It’s absorbed through modelling.
And that modelling requires discipline, consistency, and longevity.