I acknowledge that the last week's content was heavy emotionally - but thank you for the outpouring love and empathy - with numerous calls, text messages and comforting virtual hugs. 🙏
During the recent school holidays - I had the best privilege of being able to go out for a walk almost everyday with Noah. As we go for walk - Noah always was filled with non stop chatter of Geelong Cats (his favourite AFL team that he goes for) and or animal discovery that he read from his books. While, I’ll be longing to change the topics to something of my interests in giving him a broader perspective of life, money, purpose etc.,
We do occasionally vibe when I have patience to listen to his talking and when he has patience to listen to me.
In one of such walks - I remembered a conversation with a good friend of mine which I also wanted to reflect and convey it to him.
Needs can be met, but wants can be many - which doesn’t have to be met.
It was the first day after term 1. Noah came home excitedly and said:
Dad - you remember Jordon he has a very cool watch, we can play games, we can send messages, we can do so many things in it. Can you also buy one for me?
I didn’t say anything - I was patiently listening to what he was going through and was reading how 8 years mind works and what gets sold to them.
I responded to him saying - we will discuss as I had to get back to my work.
That evening when we went for picking up his younger brother on our walk - he again brought up the same topic and I mentioned - what features do you want in the watch - may be that’s something we can look up. But I do have concerns that if there are games in it - you’d get too involved in it and may be you won’t pay enough attention to the class and activities that you have to do.
He went on to say - it’ll be great to send you messages.
I smiled and replied, “I don’t want messages from you while you’re at school and I’m at work. We can always talk after.”
He was unsure how to sell his idea to convince me.
So, back again at the dinner table - he brought it up again mentioning the same topic of watch. It’s been on his mind all the time.
Mrs - went - Noah - it’s not something that you need at this time. You are not getting the watch. Bang.
At this time, my mind is all over the place with the choices:
They are kids only for a little while - may be we should honour that?
Oh how poor he must feel that he didn’t get what he wanted. I feel for him!
And also, I admired the vivid strong personality that Mrs exhibited in firmly and assertively conveying the message.
He went Okay (that quiet silent upset type of okay). The one carried with disappointment, the one that comes from a state of being sad.
I didn’t intervene and left the battle to be held between three choices in my head.
Back to first term school holidays of me and Noah going everyday for a walk. When we didn’t have much other than Geelong Cats, Animal facts or other topics to discuss - I brought this up again and said.
Noah - there are needs and wants. Daddy and Mummy brought you into this world and it’s our privilege and responsibility to raise such a charming young boy and we will always - I mean it - always will do our absolute to meet your needs and your brother’s.
But we may not be able to satisfy all your wants.
Noah goes (with his curious eyes)- what’s needs? - I replied - Food, Shelter, Clothing and Transport. This is something that we will absolutely provide you.
Noah was quiet - processing what I mentioned to him. And he went on to ask “What are wants then?”
Wants are like… not liking your dinner, the dress, or wishing we had a fancier car, or that watch you were talking about. They're not wrong. But the fewer wants we chase, the simpler and more joyful our life can be.
He went quiet for a while — that thoughtful kind of quiet. Not sure if he is still with me in processing all of it or his mind wandered back to Geelong Cats and AFL.
But anyhow, while I had this moment I mentioned to him
Knowing what you don’t want is a kind of superpower. In this world, people keep telling us to want more, have more. But if you know what’s enough for you - you’ll always have peace. Whether you’re eight or forty-eight.” - I mentioned to him that - at this modern day and age - it’s easier to get sucked into so many wants and have endless desires. To desire less is looked differently.
But, there is true power in knowing what we don’t want!
The same logic applies to our adult lives too - If we have to look at only our needs - it’s easy to be satisfied. But if we consider our wants - nice car, nice house, TV, phone, fancy furnitures on and on - there is no end to it.
And at the same time, I’m not completely against having nice things. And it’s not that I don’t like nice things - I do - but I plan for it. Intentionally. And I enjoy it. I rented a convertible car to get a feel and taste of it and took the family on a road trip to Great Ocean Road - it’s truly a want. It’s genuinely not a need. And we made it a moment to remember. That’s the difference.
If someone has expensive things, it doesn’t mean they have a lot of money. It means they’ve spent a lot of money.
And just like that, somewhere between Kangaroo facts and Cats scores, we had a moment.
I don’t know if the lesson stuck with him - maybe it did, maybe his mind wandered back to Geelong Cats midfield stats. But I like to believe that even if the words didn’t land fully, the feeling did. That in that quiet walk, between his curiosity and my conviction, something meaningful passed between us.
As a parent, I find myself constantly learning too. These conversations aren’t just for my kids - they’re gentle reminders for me. To stay grounded. To choose wisely. To model a life of intention, not just accumulation.
And when I think about legacy - I realise it’s not about leaving behind wealth, but wisdom. It’s not the watch he wears on his wrist one day, but the voice in his head that says, “Do I really need this? Or am I just trying to fill a space that isn’t really empty?”
Or better put by Morgan Housel:
So yes - I still love nice things. I’ll still plan for joyful splurges. But I want my boys to know this:
“You can have anything you want. But not everything. The trick is knowing what’s truly worth it.”
We live in a world that constantly tells us to want more, be more, buy more. But maybe the real power lies in the pause - in knowing what we can live without.
And that’s the kind of wealth I hope to pass on.
Keen to hear what conversations do you have with your kids at the dinner table?
We love travelling - every year for Noah's birthday - we as a family go out for a few days to a place of his choice. This year, his wish is to go to Lakes Entrance for fishing. I'd hands down admit spending time as a family in travel gives kids a strong foundation than planning for birthday parties in over crowded venues.
