Starting anything paused and to resume back is much more harder than I thought it will be. I have ideas on what I want to write about, create and make it useful for people who are reading it. But the laziness and I can do it later is often keeping me consumed in not doing enough on this part.
While I have ambitious goals of being able to write a book on all things that I learnt or know about Personal Finance and Behavioural Finance - I need to first get into the rhythm of writing back again. So, here is this weeks post.
The Fear of Spending Money. I’ve come to terms that I’ve inherited it - but it’s very hard for me now to unlearn this.
It never occurred to me that one day I would experience this from the other side.
Picture this. I recently travelled back from India to Melbourne and it wasn’t an usual trip of visiting family and friends while that was still there - it was mostly at the Hospital. Dad had a surgery and he has been now diagnosed for Parkinson.
After I arrived back to Melbourne, My mum calls me on WhatsApp to complain about my dad.
My dad had only recently come home after surgery and was still recovering. Yet the conversations often revolved around how he wasn’t helping enough - not contributing enough financially, not helping with chores, not finding the right people to fix things around the house.
During my recent trip to India, I decided to help where I could.
The day after Dad was discharged from hospital, I offered to buy them a new washing machine. Mum initially resisted. The same old mentality why buy new when we can fix things and make it work. It’s true on certain things - but not sure what that drama will be like and I resisted.
But she persisted on “The old one can be repaired.”
After some back and forth, she finally agreed to get a new one.
We bought one, I paid for it, and arranged delivery. But by Thursday evening the purchase was done, and by Friday I was already on a flight back to Melbourne.
What followed over the next few days was interesting.
The washing machine arrived. It needed to be installed. I suggested keeping things simple and inexpensive - perhaps using a hose connection instead of installing new plumbing.
Mum chose differently. She arranged for a plumber to install a new tap and pipe. The work cost around ₹3,000.
And that’s when the real issue surfaced.
Not the cost.
The fear.
Almost immediately the questions started.
“Did I pay too much?”
“Was he overcharging me?”
“Did he take advantage of me?”
“Why am I so helpless?”
“Could I have negotiated harder?”
On the surface, these are reasonable concerns. Anyone would want to ensure they’re paying a fair price.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realised this wasn’t really about the plumber.
It wasn’t about ₹3,000.
It was about a belief.
A belief that I suspect was passed down from my grandmother.
Growing up, I heard the phrase countless times from my grandma.
“They have no fear in spending money.”
It was never said as a compliment.
It was a warning.
Almost a moral failing.
As if spending money itself was dangerous.
As if every dollar that left our hands should be accompanied by guilt, anxiety, and second-guessing.
I’ve heard it many times.
I’m certain my mum heard it far more.
And over time, something subtle happened.
Money stopped being a tool.
Money stopped being a utility.
Money became something to fear.
Today I see it showing up everywhere.
Paying the person who drives her to the hospital.
Paying the person who takes away the rubbish.
Paying the maid who helps around the house.
Paying anyone for any service.
Every transaction carries an invisible heavy weight.
Not because she cannot afford it.
But because spending itself feels unsafe.
And that’s what makes this difficult.
At over seventy years old, this isn’t simply a habit.
It’s a belief that has been reinforced for decades.
A belief that spending money means something bad might happen. A power in you has been gone.
A belief that every payment must be scrutinised, questioned, and worried over.
The irony is that money was meant to reduce friction in life.
To make life easier.
To buy back time, comfort, health, and peace of mind.
Yet sometimes the fear of spending money becomes more painful than the spending itself.
And it leaves me wondering - How many of us are carrying beliefs about money that were never really ours?
How many decisions are we making today because of fears that were quietly handed down to us by the generations before?
Sometimes the biggest financial challenge isn’t earning more money.
It’s learning to unlearn the old habits that no longer serves us.