There’s a particular thought that arrives late at night, uninvited and or when kids are gone to bed - just me and Mrs. in our exchange of our brains thinking.
It doesn’t shout.
It doesn’t panic.
It just lingers around.
“We can afford it… but only if we stretch.”
And immediately another thought follows it, sharper:
“Should we?”
This is the puzzle that keeps looping in our house. Not about whether we love our kids enough - that part is obvious. But about whether love, when filtered through money, turns into obligation… and obligation quietly turns into a life that feels narrower than we imagined.
Private school or public school.
Not as a debate.
As a weight.
Back in the day when I was new in this country - I know I’ve had conversations with Mrs. that we are already in this great country what could go wrong in a public school it’s much better than what you and I had in our countries. No?
And she always had the answer that it’s a no. She was always the wise person with forward looking thoughts of we should aspire better things from the place where we are not from the place that we have had.
It’s a much bigger wisdom - that was hard to comprehend for me then. But now I can resonate.
We’ve already ruled out the easy part
Primary school was the easy call.
At that age, scraped knees, having to buy new water bottles every now and then matter more than brand names. Curiosity matters more than curriculum. Their way of expression more. The playground and social skills teaches as much as the classroom. So we parked the question.
But secondary school?
That’s where the unease begins.
Because that’s when schools stop being places kids go and start becoming signals. Signals to universities. Signals to employers. Signals to other parents. Signals we pretend don’t matter - but somehow still do.
And also to an extent we have not experienced it first hand - and we want to ensure that the best options are still pursued and made available for our kids.
The case for private school (as it replays in my head)
The argument builds itself very convincingly.
Private schools offer:
Better facilities
Smaller class sizes
More resources
A polished curriculum
Teachers who seem more invested
Parents who seem more engaged
And, unspoken but always present - network with the kids who will go on into the future lives with
That invisible promise / assumption: “My kids will grow up around other kids who expect more from life.”
And that’s seductive. Because we don’t want our children fighting uphill battles we could have softened for them.
But then comes the part no brochure ever prints.
The numbers we don’t like to say out loud
In Australia, secondary private school fees roughly look like this (very conservatively):
Mid-tier private school: $15,000 – $25,000 per child per year
Top-tier private school: $30,000 – $45,000+ per child per year
Let’s not even go elite. Let’s be reasonable.
Say $35,000 per child, per year. Considering inflation and by the time kids get to private schools.
Now multiply:
2 kids
6 years of secondary school
That’s $420,000. (Almost half a million post tax dollars). OMG!
Before uniforms.
Before excursions.
Before camps.
Before donations politely labelled “voluntary”.
Suddenly the question shifts from “Is it worth it?” to something more unsettling:
What does $420,000 cost us in life energy?
The part that never makes it into school tours
$420,000 isn’t just money.
It’s:
Extra years in corporate roles I’ve emotionally outgrown
Saying yes to work I don’t believe in
Staying longer in cubicles because leaving feels irresponsible and it’s not an option
Golden handcuffs tightened one pay check at a time
It’s telling myself (repeatedly): “This isn’t for me. This is for the kids.”
And maybe it is.
But the haunting thought creeps in:
Is staying trapped in a life I don’t want is the only way to give my kids the best possible life?
Two kids means no half-measures
There’s also a fairness problem no one talks about.
With two kids, there’s no “trial run”.
I can’t send one to private and the other to public without quietly breaking something sacred.
So whatever decision I make - I’ve to make it twice.
Twice the money.
Twice the pressure.
Twice the stakes.
The scholarship conversation (and its quiet tension)
We’ve had the conversation at home.
If you study well… if you work hard… if you earn it… we’ll support you. Even if it means moving houses.
Noah nods. He understands - in the way a child understands responsibility without yet understanding time, money and life as a whole.
But the adult part of me knows:
Motivation at 9 doesn’t predict motivation at 14
Academic identity isn’t fully visible yet
Talent reveals itself unevenly
So how much weight should we place on his future effort - when that future version of him hasn’t arrived yet?
And deeper still:
Should access to “better education” be conditional on academic performance?
Or should it be a support system for when they struggle, not only when they excel?
The other uncomfortable question
What if they’re not academic?
Then what?
Do we still justify the price tag?
Do we push them harder to “keep up”?
Do we pay premium fees so they can be… average?
Or is that precisely the point - that being average among driven peers might stretch them further than being exceptional in a weaker system?
This is where the logic knots itself.
And if we choose public - what are we actually missing?
The fear list looks like this:
Less network
Less polish
Less “exposure”
Less certainty
But when you zoom out, another question forms:
How many school friends truly shape a life decades later?
Yes, networks matter.
But so do:
Confidence
Curiosity
Emotional regulation
A sense of belonging
Parents who aren’t chronically stressed by money
Public schools offer:
Selective subjects
Extension programs
Strong academic pathways (if my kids are intentional)
Which raises a quieter possibility:
Is the “best of both worlds” not a school - but a strategy?
A good public school zone.
Selective streams.
I’m being available for when they need me rather being burnt out.
The truth we’re slowly making peace with
I admit - there are more questions and thoughts and right now, we don’t have a solid yes or no answer.
We have:
A rough plan
A watch-and-wait approach
A willingness to support effort
A hope that financial flexibility improves
And willingness to be flexible as time comes along
And maybe that’s okay.
Because maybe the real mistake isn’t choosing public or private.
Maybe the mistake is believing there’s a single correct answer - when in reality, parenting is a sequence of instinct based bets, under the given circumstances to my best of knowledge and abilities.
The question that lingers after all the maths
At the deepest level, the goal is simple:
We want the best outcome for our kids.
But maybe that outcome isn’t just:
The school they attend
The brand on their blazer
The network they inherit
Maybe it’s also:
Parents who aren’t imprisoned by golden handcuffs
A home where money is discussed honestly, not anxiously
A model of adulthood that isn’t defined solely by sacrifice
And maybe - just maybe - the best thing kids learn isn’t where their parents sent them…
…but why they chose the life they did.
Well written . Any conclusions yet ?