A story about money, emotions, and why even dinner orders can reveal our inner world.
If you’ve ever travelled with family friends, you know the first 24 hours feel magical.
Everyone is excited.
Everyone is kind.
Everyone is generous.
And everyone is convinced this is going to be the relaxing getaway to your “burnt-out-parent-soul” desperately needs. Away from work, away from reality, away from routine.
Cut to day 5…
After packing and unpacking suitcase chaos for the umpteenth number of time the snack negotiations, the endless “Have you seen Noah’s shoes?”, and herding kids like cats into the car for the 14th time…
Reality slowly but surely seeps in.
Not in a bad way - just in the human way.
The niceness stays, but the edges get real.
You’re no longer the polite version of yourself.
You’re just… you.
And so are they.
That’s exactly where this story begins.
In the tiny rural town of Coonalpyn, where the air is crisp, the menu options are limited, and psychology - without fail - shows up at the dinner table.
Coonalpyn, Population ~300, Emotions ~Infinite
We had been on the road for a few days. By then, the initial glow had faded, and both families were in the stage where you subconsciously start questioning is this the dramatic holiday that I had planned for so long or am I craving for my own routines again?
Nothing dramatic - just that quiet thought of:
“Okay… maybe I’m ready to be in my own place again.”
The mind is a bitch - it’s never in the moment always toiling between what was in the past and what’s ahead into the future.
We checked into our motel, tired but relieved after the long day.
Being a small rural town, dinner options were limited, so we simply shared the pub menu in the group chat.
What came next was one of the most fascinating examples of money psychology in everyday life.
The orders that told a story
Our friends went first:
1 chicken burger to share,
1 kids bolognese.
Frugal. Predictable. A “safe” order.
Then my wife - tempted by the fact that regional towns often do meat very well — said she’d go for the beef dish.
A few minutes later… the other couple’s order magically transformed:
chicken burger
and now suddenly a pork belly
No judgment. No criticism. Just genuine curiosity inside me.
Because in that tiny moment, something profound happened under the surface:
Someone else’s spending unexpectedly influenced their comfort with spending. Or may be they don’t want to have a feeling of having to spend more and forced to match up?
This is the kind of stuff that money books talk about in abstract ideas - but here it is, happening in real time, over meals in a town most people only pass through on their way to Adelaide.
Why we do this (and may be we all do!)
We like to think our financial decisions are logical. But they’re far from it and it’s often emotional, relational, and deeply cultural including the way of upbringing and our insecurities too.
When we travel with friends:
We are subconsciously comparing.
We are trying to keep harmony.
We are avoiding guilt.
We are avoiding appearing cheap.
We are avoiding appearing extravagant.
We are trying not to make others uncomfortable.
We are trying not to feel uncomfortable ourself.
We are not letting others taking us for granted.
We want to match up with our food choices with $’s spend collectively.
It’s never about the beef or the pork belly. It’s about the invisible emotional ledger we all carry.
This is why money psychologists say:
“Every spending decision is a reflection of belonging.”
We don’t want to be an outlier in the group - too high or too low. We want to fit in. We want to maintain harmony.
Even if we don’t consciously realise we’re doing it.
Road trips reveal our money scripts
By day 5 of a trip, the masks drop.
Our upbringing shows.
Our money triggers show.
Our insecurities show.
Our habits show.
Our emotional default settings show.
Our friends’ quick switch in dinner choices wasn’t about food — it was about:
the need to match energy
the fear of causing imbalance
the desire to maintain harmony
the discomfort of looking “less than” or “more than”
the internal mind calculation of how much the food cost and how much ours cost and how can we match up so we don’t over pay for the other person.
And honestly… I understood it. Because I’ve seen it in myself too.
We all have our own money scripts shaped by childhood, scarcity, abundance, guilt, pride, and everything in between.
Road trips simply bring them to the surface faster - if you are able to recognise it.
And this also shows up very vividly when wife talks about it in the pillow talks.
So how do we avoid awkwardness?
Not through better maths. Through better communication and awareness. By setting clear boundaries and expectations!
1. Talk about money dynamics upfront
A simple: “Hey, do we split evenly or pay individually?” saves the whole group from emotional gymnastics.
2. Don’t match your meals to others
Your hunger and preferences aren’t group responsibilities. Get comfortable with eating what you feel like and if you have to over pay - so be it. But also watch out that your niceness is not taken for granted. If it is - you’d need to re-evaluate if they’re really good friends to be around?
3. Remember that different people value money differently
Some value fairness.
Some value frugality.
Some value indulgence.
Some value harmony.
None of these are “wrong.”
4. Rotate occasionally
You pay for lunch, they pay for dinner. Natural balance without calculation stress.
5. Accept the psychology, not just the bill
When people behave this way, they’re not being difficult - they’re being human.
My reflection
The longer I observe people (and myself), the more I realise:
Money decisions aren’t about money.
They’re about safety, belonging, identity, and emotion.
A simple pub order in Coonalpyn said more about our money psychology than any budgeting app ever could.
And maybe that’s the point - money isn’t just numbers, spreadsheets, or meals.
It’s a mirror.
It shows who we are, what we fear, what we value, and how we see ourselves in relation to others.
Have you faced into such a situation and how did you deal with it?